It is not uncommon for youth to start exploring the dating world once they become teenagers and enter middle or high school.
While teen dating relationships can be a wonderful and exciting thing, it can also quickly become toxic and unhealthy. It is important to be able to recognize the signs of dating violence, and in particular, teen dating violence.
Knowing the signs of teen dating abuse or violence can be useful for many individuals. Parents, siblings, peers, teachers, and other school staff should be able to recognize when a teenage dating relationship turns from healthy to unhealthy.
It is even more important for the signs of violent and abusive relationships to be known by many to help victims in those types of situations.
Teen Dating Violence: What is it?
The Centers for Disease Control (CDC) define teen dating violence as, “a form of intimate partner violence”, which simply means violent relationships between two romantic partners. [1]
Many people think dating violence has to include physical violence, however dating abuse can also include forms of non-physical violence. Examples of these are outlined by the CDC as:
- Physical violence
- Sexual violence
- Psychological violence
- Stalking
Examples of physical violence include hitting, biting, kicking, punching, slapping, or other forms of abuse where one partner physically lays their hand(s) on another partner, while non-physical violence can include name calling, belittling, using derogatory statements, and putting a partner down.
Sexual violence can be categorized as attempting to or forcing a partner to engage in a sexually related activity without consent from the partner. Other forms of sexual abuse can be taking and distributing pictures of one’s body, or sexting another individual without consent. [1] The CDC further shares that stalking is a form of non-physical violence due to the repeated and unwanted attention from someone we know or do not know.
Warning Signs of Teen Dating Violence
Each type of teen dating violence may manifest in different ways, however there are some warning signs to be looking for if you suspect that someone may be in an abusive relationship. Below you will find each type of dating violence with common things that a perpetrator of abuse may do, or that a survivor of abuse will experience. [2]
- Physical: Signs of physical violence include hitting, biting, kicking, slapping, pinching, or hurting a partner using force. It is important to take note of any markings or bruises that your child, your friend, or any other teenager may have.
- Sexual: One of the most common signs of sexual violence in a relationship is one partner pressuring the other to engage in sexual activities. Athoough recognizing sexual abuse can be difficult, common signs that someone is wrong include withdrawal, sadness, less communication, and overall changes in mood.
- Emotional: Emotional abuse is often overlooked in teen dating relationships due to the difficulty to recognize when it is occurring. Emotional abuse or violence can look like one partner having extreme possessiveness or control over the other, explosive tempers, jealousy, high emotion situations, moodiness, and gaslighting. In addition to these, emotional abuse can also be name calling, being mean, neglecting to provide emotional support, manipulation, and more.
- Financial: One aspect of teenage dating violence that many people do not know about is financial abuse or control. This means one partner attempts to control the other’s finances, demands the other partner pays or gives them money, or attempts to not let their partner make money.
A great resource for teenage dating violence or abusive relationships is the Domestic Violence Hotline. [3] It can be accessed via their website https://www.thehotline.org/, or by calling 1-800-799-SAFE (7233).
How Can I Tell if My Teen is in an Unhealthy Dating Relationship?
It can be difficult to spot signs that your teenager is in an unhealthy relationship with a partner. Many times, a teenager who is in a violent relationship will show signs of changes in mood and behavior. This may mean withdrawing from friends and family, lack of interest in activities they used to enjoy, lower grades in school, and changes in their sleeping and eating habits.
In addition to these mood and behavior changes, a teenager who is being physically or sexually harmed may start wearing more clothes to cover their body and hide scratches, marks, or bruises that they received from their partner.
While parents may not notice their teenager’s partner is mean or violent towards them all of the time, it is still important to talk to your children about safety and security in all relationships, not just romantic.
How to Help a Teenage in an Abusive Relationship
Leaving an abusive relationship can be extremely difficult and scary. According to research and statistics, it takes an average of 7 tries to leave an abusive relationship. [4] This is important to keep in mind while helping a teenager try to leave their partner. Some key takeaways to supporting a teenager in this position is to be very gentle and careful, as many times teenagers may rebel against their parents intervening on their romantic and personal life.
As a parent, friend, or loved one of someone in an abusive relationship, it is important to let the teenager know that you are prioritizing their safety and are concerned about their wellbeing. Unhealthy relationships are difficult to deal with, so seeking out help from a professional is vital.
Another component in helping a teenager leave a relationship is to monitor social media, phones, and other forms of technology, as violence and threats can be carried out on these platforms.
How to Encourage Healthy Relationships for Your Dating-Aged Teen
It is never too early to start talking with your children and teenagers about healthy relationships.
One of the most impactful ways to help teenagers recognize their worth is to role model it in the home and with relationships you may have as a parent. Instilling confidence and security into any child or young adult will be extremely helpful as they forge their own relationships.
When any of us can recognize that we deserve to be treated with respect and care, it leaves us feeling more powerful to stand up for ourselves if necessary. Talking with your teenager about signs of abusive or violent relationships is helpful to normalize that they do occur and to let your child know you are there to support them should they find themselves in a dangerous situation.
While this topic may be difficult to discuss, there are plenty of resources and trained professionals available to assist anyone looking to have more conversations on dating violence.
Alyssa Biestek is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist (LMFT) in both Texas and Florida. She currently works for a small group practice and enjoys helping children, teenagers, and their families heal. Alyssa has experience providing treatment to high risk youth in a community mental health setting and is trained in Dialectical Behavioral Therapy (DBT) and Trauma Focused-Cognitive Behavioral Therapy (TF-CBT). She is currently furthering her education and training to become a Registered Play Therapist (RPT). In her spare time, Alyssa enjoys reading, crafting, spending time outdoors, and playing with her dog.
