Trauma Bond Withdrawal Symptoms

Rychel Johnson, LCPC

Is Your Relationship Abusive? Assessment

Do you feel afraid of your partner’s reactions, even to small things?

Do you change your behavior to avoid upsetting them?

Do you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough?

Do they blame you for their anger, outbursts, or problems?

Do they mock, belittle, or humiliate you (privately or publicly)?

Do you feel guilty when you engage in friendships or hobbies outside of your relationship with this person?

Do you feel obligated to justify or explain basic things you do?

Do they dismiss or minimize your feelings when you try to express them?

Do they punish you with silence, withdrawal, or coldness?

Do they twist events to make you doubt your own memory or sanity?

Do you feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” around them?

Do they call you names or use insults during arguments?

Do they hold past mistakes over your head to control you?

Do they twist your words to make you the villain in every conflict?

Do they lash out over small things or switch moods without warning?

Do they act loving one moment and cruel the next, keeping you off balance?

Do you apologize constantly, even when you aren’t wrong?

Do you feel drained, anxious, or “not yourself” in the relationship?

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If you have experienced an abusive relationship and felt an attachment toward your abuser, you may have endured a trauma bond. While this is not your fault, and it may feel like you’ve broken the bond and are moving forward, you could be feeling withdrawal symptoms from the relationship. After a bond so rooted in psychological abuse, it’s reasonable to expect some residual effects regardless of the duration of the relationship.

What is a Trauma Bond?

A trauma bond is an unhealthy but significant and strong connection between an abuser and an abuse victim. This bonding can occur with an intimate partner or in other relationships. Common relationships impacted by trauma bonds involve those with family members, between a caregiver and their charge, and in the context of friendships.

Trauma bonds are characterized by a pattern of love bombing to build the victim up and create closeness, coupled with abusive language and actions to devalue the victim and make them feel small. This pattern, featuring intermittent reinforcement, often keeps the victim from leaving, and instead, the codependent nature of the relationship is maintained.

Signs & Symptoms of Withdrawal from a Trauma Bond

In a relationship that involves emotional abuse, an abuser will often alternate between treating a victim poorly and love bombing or pouring out an abundance of positive attention. The unpredictable nature of the alternating treatment in a trauma-bonded relationship can lead to a strong psychological bond that is confusing and difficult to recognize unless you’re looking for specific signs.

It’s already a challenge to recognize the signs of trauma bonding. After breaking a trauma bond, a victim may sense a loss of self that presents as difficulty managing mental health symptoms and moving on with life. They may have diminished self-esteem after ending the bond, as they had developed a dependency on positive feedback and intermittent validation from the abusive partner or caregiver.

Ending a trauma-bonded relationship causes distress that is impactful as a victim moves forward and can show up in a variety of ways:

  • Anxiety and other mental health concerns, such as depression and PTSD
  • Feeling disconnected from family and friends
  • Disturbances in cognitive ability, with increased difficulty concentrating, making decisions, and memory retention
  • Disturbances with sleep: difficulty falling or staying asleep and feeling like they didn’t get adequate rest despite sleeping enough hours
  • Emotional withdrawal and feeling empty or lonely and isolated after an extreme relationship change
  • Withdrawal from friendships and activities you once enjoyed
  • A willingness to overlook the abuse to re-experience the love bombing and positive reinforcement
  • A strong pull toward wanting to help the abuser get better

How to Heal From a Trauma Bond

Healing after a trauma bond can feel like an insurmountable endeavor, and letting go is impossible after being so tightly bonded with an abuser. Studies show that choosing no contact with an ex-partner or family member is the best way to heal, to give yourself the space needed to process your emotions and separate your experience from that of your abuser.

Additionally, professional help from a therapist or a therapeutic support group can help in the process of recovering from trauma bonds and subsequent withdrawal symptoms.

How Long Does It Take To Detach From A Trauma Bond?

Part of your healing journey may include having no contact with your abuser to make the process go faster. This process involves actively choosing not to contact the abuser. Because trauma bonds create an addictive cycle, avoiding contact with someone you were psychologically attached to is not easy. Still, it benefits your well-being as you proceed toward healing and safety.

Is Your Relationship Abusive? Assessment

Do you feel afraid of your partner’s reactions, even to small things?

Do you change your behavior to avoid upsetting them?

Do you feel like nothing you do is ever good enough?

Do they blame you for their anger, outbursts, or problems?

Do they mock, belittle, or humiliate you (privately or publicly)?

Do you feel guilty when you engage in friendships or hobbies outside of your relationship with this person?

Do you feel obligated to justify or explain basic things you do?

Do they dismiss or minimize your feelings when you try to express them?

Do they punish you with silence, withdrawal, or coldness?

Do they twist events to make you doubt your own memory or sanity?

Do you feel like you’re “walking on eggshells” around them?

Do they call you names or use insults during arguments?

Do they hold past mistakes over your head to control you?

Do they twist your words to make you the villain in every conflict?

Do they lash out over small things or switch moods without warning?

Do they act loving one moment and cruel the next, keeping you off balance?

Do you apologize constantly, even when you aren’t wrong?

Do you feel drained, anxious, or “not yourself” in the relationship?

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Frequently Asked
Questions

Is It Possible To Feel Addicted To Someone Who Is Abusive?

Absolutely. The insidious nature of an abusive relationship with a loss of sense of self makes it difficult to notice the relationship is problematic. By no fault of their own, a victim will experience a rollercoaster of hormonal changes with the ebbs and flow of an unhealthy relationship.

Punishment of the victim causes a rush of the stress hormone cortisol, with intermittent kindness creating a dopamine surge. The rollercoaster itself is addicting.

 

Can A Trauma Bond Cause Physical Withdrawal Symptoms?

Yes. A trauma bond can cause a plethora of physical symptoms due to the hormonal highs and lows of the abusive relationship, which can continue even after the relationship has ended.

 

Can a Trauma Bond Result in C-PTSD?

C-PTSD, or complex PTSD, is a form of posttraumatic stress disorder that can be one of many resulting issues from traumatic bonding. A C-PTSD response is likely derived from trauma from earlier relationships or other types of trauma, which makes it even more difficult to break out of the current bond. The promise of kindness that comes after a cycle of abuse can cause a victim to be suspicious of anyone who questions the relationship.

Additionally, C-PTSD can increase confusion about whether or not to leave an abusive relationship and potentially cause flashbacks to earlier abuse, panic attacks, and other physical symptoms.

 

Does Every Toxic Relationship Result in a Trauma Bond?

Not every toxic relationship will result in a trauma bond, despite involving an abusive person. However, signs and symptoms of toxic relationships are similar to those of trauma-bonded relationships. It is essential in both cases to seek much-deserved help to move on and experience healthy relationships in the future.

 

Does a Narcissistic Abuser Want to Trauma Bond Their Victims?

A narcissist likely engages in the stages of trauma bonding without much thought due to their corrupted perception of emotional closeness that causes them to see an abuse cycle as a normal part of a relationship. An abuse cycle affected by narcissism is generally characterized by a pattern of love bombing and dependency, as discussed with trauma bonds. Gaslighting is a tactic used in the context of a relationship with a narcissistic abuser, which causes the victim to question themselves and struggle to break the trauma bond.

Rychel Johnson, LCPC

View posts by Rychel Johnson, LCPC
Rychel Johnson, LCPC, is a licensed clinical professional counselor in Kansas. She owns a private practice, Empower Mental Wellness, where she specializes in anxiety treatment and social skills development. Rychel also enjoys extensive road trips and spending time with her husband, toddler, and two cats. Learn more about Rychel at rycheljohnson.com.

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