
If you have experienced an abusive relationship and felt an attachment toward your abuser, you may have endured a trauma bond. While this is not your fault, and it may feel like you’ve broken the bond and are moving forward, you could be feeling withdrawal symptoms from the relationship. After a bond so rooted in psychological abuse, it’s reasonable to expect some residual effects regardless of the duration of the relationship.
What is a Trauma Bond?
A trauma bond is an unhealthy but significant and strong connection between an abuser and an abuse victim. This bonding can occur with an intimate partner or in other relationships. Common relationships impacted by trauma bonds involve those with family members, between a caregiver and their charge, and in the context of friendships.
Trauma bonds are characterized by a pattern of love bombing to build the victim up and create closeness, coupled with abusive language and actions to devalue the victim and make them feel small. This pattern, featuring intermittent reinforcement, often keeps the victim from leaving, and instead, the codependent nature of the relationship is maintained.
Signs & Symptoms of Withdrawal from a Trauma Bond
In a relationship that involves emotional abuse, an abuser will often alternate between treating a victim poorly and love bombing or pouring out an abundance of positive attention. The unpredictable nature of the alternating treatment in a trauma-bonded relationship can lead to a strong psychological bond that is confusing and difficult to recognize unless you’re looking for specific signs.
It’s already a challenge to recognize the signs of trauma bonding. After breaking a trauma bond, a victim may sense a loss of self that presents as difficulty managing mental health symptoms and moving on with life. They may have diminished self-esteem after ending the bond, as they had developed a dependency on positive feedback and intermittent validation from the abusive partner or caregiver.
Ending a trauma-bonded relationship causes distress that is impactful as a victim moves forward and can show up in a variety of ways:
- Anxiety and other mental health concerns, such as depression and PTSD
- Feeling disconnected from family and friends
- Disturbances in cognitive ability, with increased difficulty concentrating, making decisions, and memory retention
- Disturbances with sleep: difficulty falling or staying asleep and feeling like they didn’t get adequate rest despite sleeping enough hours
- Emotional withdrawal and feeling empty or lonely and isolated after an extreme relationship change
- Withdrawal from friendships and activities you once enjoyed
- A willingness to overlook the abuse to re-experience the love bombing and positive reinforcement
- A strong pull toward wanting to help the abuser get better
How to Heal From a Trauma Bond
Healing after a trauma bond can feel like an insurmountable endeavor, and letting go is impossible after being so tightly bonded with an abuser. Studies show that choosing no contact with an ex-partner or family member is the best way to heal, to give yourself the space needed to process your emotions and separate your experience from that of your abuser.
Additionally, professional help from a therapist or a therapeutic support group can help in the process of recovering from trauma bonds and subsequent withdrawal symptoms.
How Long Does It Take To Detach From A Trauma Bond?
Part of your healing journey may include having no contact with your abuser to make the process go faster. This process involves actively choosing not to contact the abuser. Because trauma bonds create an addictive cycle, avoiding contact with someone you were psychologically attached to is not easy. Still, it benefits your well-being as you proceed toward healing and safety.

Rychel Johnson, LCPC, is a licensed clinical professional counselor in Kansas. She owns a private practice, Empower Mental Wellness, where she specializes in anxiety treatment and social skills development. Rychel also enjoys extensive road trips and spending time with her husband, toddler, and two cats. Learn more about Rychel at rycheljohnson.com.





















