Trauma rewires a person’s mind and body. When a traumatic event occurs the body and mind do whatever it needs to do to survive. After a traumatic experience, you might notice you’re on edge all the time, cannot sleep, difficulty concentrating, excessively sleeping, or struggling with insomnia. For some, sexual trauma creates an aversion to being touched because it’s triggering for many sexual trauma survivors.
Understanding how trauma manifests in the body increases self-awareness especially when identifying triggers. When you understand how your trauma manifests and what your triggers are then you can begin to practice coping skills to help you when you are triggered. You deserve to know how to deal with sexual trauma and overcome your aversion to touch.
Sexual Trauma And How Can It Manifest
Sexual trauma can manifest in various forms, one being aversion to touch, but it can also manifest in mental health issues. Anxiety, depression, chronic fatigue, dissociation, and post traumatic stress disorder, and hypersexuality are all examples of how trauma can manifest [1.] Sexual trauma can also cause chronic pain, weakened immune symptoms, high stress levels, and other unexplained physical health issues [2.]
Signs That Someone May Be Experiencing Discomfort With Physical Touch Due To Sexual Trauma
Identifying the signs of when someone may be experiencing discomfort can be a huge changer for the person feeling uncomfortable. Dealing with trauma and not wanting to be touched is an isolating experience but if you can spot certain signs when they are not okay you can provide support, comfort, and care to the person.
- Tension: you might notice the person’s body tense up or appear frozen when someone touches them.
- Shaking: touch is triggering for people and when they start to feel discomfort their body might begin to involuntarily shake.
- Body Language: crossing their arms, jerking away, walking away from you, or flinching.
- Change in Emotion or Mood: You might notice someone becoming angry or irritable after being touched. On the flip side, the person might be happy and talkative one minute and then next they appear shutdown and quiet.
- Lashing out: The body goes into fight or flight mode when it feels unsafe. Therefore, for some people you might notice they might verbally lash out after they were touched. They no longer feel safe and when they lash out it’s their body and mind’s way of protecting themselves. Practicing patience and understanding for someone who is uncomfortable can be reassuring for the person.
Be Aware of Triggers That May Intensify The Aversion To Touch
Naming and identifying your triggers is one of the first steps in coping with your aversion to touch. Deepening your understanding of yourself leads to increase in confidence, self-esteem, and self-acceptance. Sexual trauma diminishes your feeling of being in control especially in your physical environment. Identifying triggers allows you to feel more in control of your environment and your body.
[Read Next: Sexual Abuse in Marriage: Yes, it DOES Exist.]
What Are Healthy Coping Mechanisms For Dealing With An Aversion To Touch After Sexual Trauma?
Setting boundaries with others is a healthy coping strategy because it gives you the space to speak up for yourself. For example, if someone attempts to give you a hug or touches you on the shoulder you can say, “Hey, that made me feel uncomfortable please do not touch me.”
If you do not feel comfortable speaking up for yourself in a certain situation it’s okay to remove yourself from an environment. Walking away is always a healthy coping skill because you have identified a trigger and are removing yourself from being further uncomfortable.
You can also try taking deep breaths and reminding yourself you are safe. Sometimes, the body and mind need a reminder that you are no longer in danger. Therefore, self-soothing techniques like deep breaths and affirmation of “I am safe” can calm your body and mind.
Can You Overcome an Aversion To Touch?
Yes, you can overcome an aversion to touch. Trauma lingers in the body after the incident. However, it does not mean you can never be touched again. You can develop your strength and regain your sense of self. Improving self-awareness of your triggers and what coping skills are helpful is crucial in healing from sexual trauma, whether it’s happened recently or in childhood. It’s okay if you don’t want to be touched after trauma because what you experienced was an extreme violation. To help you get started here are a few options of how to overcome your aversion to touch.
- Trauma Informed Yoga: Yoga helps alleviate chronic pain in the body but also helps with releasing trauma stored in the body. Working with a certified trauma informed instructor will help guide you through yoga poses and even work with you in building your tolerance and comfortability with touch. You can start by researching more about trauma informed yoga here.
- Support Groups: overcoming an aversion to touch does not have to be a lonely recovery road. Connecting with folks with similar experiences can foster a space where you feel understood, welcomed, and not judged. There are specific groups for people who endured trauma and not wanting to be touched. RAINN is an organization specifically focusing on providing care and support 24/7 to sexual trauma survivors.
- Therapy: Psychotherapy with a trauma informed therapist creates a time and space for you to process your sexual trauma in a safe and nurturing environment. Working with a therapist who is trauma informed means the therapist will not try to push you past your comfort zone, they will not try to problem solve, and they will walk with you as you process the trauma you have endured in a way that works for you. Open Path Collective and Inclusive Therapists are two therapy directories that can help you on your journey to finding a therapist that is a right fit for you.
[Read Next: Am I Being Sexually Harassed at Work?]
Rychel Johnson, LCPC, is a licensed clinical professional counselor in Kansas. She owns a private practice, Empower Mental Wellness, where she specializes in anxiety treatment and social skills development. Rychel also enjoys extensive road trips and spending time with her husband, toddler, and two cats. Learn more about Rychel at rycheljohnson.com.
