Lying may seem harmless sometimes, but it can be considered abusive behavior. After repeated exposure to lying, particularly from a partner or loved one, you may feel like you’re losing your mind.
There are different types of lies, varying in seriousness and potential harm to others. However, when used repeatedly, all kinds of lies cause potential damage and break down the trust in a relationship.
Additionally, lying can point to the possibility of infidelity in an intimate relationship. Infidelity is an act of betrayal that has the potential to cause significant psychological damage because it can cause long-term and damaging effects.
Types of Lies and Why They Are Harmful
- White-Lies. These are generally benign untruths used to avoid hurting another person. Though they are intended to reduce potential harm, depending on the severity of the lie, they can be confusing and instill a lack of trust in a relationship.
- Blatant Lies. When you know the person is lying and they quickly tell a lie, you may be on the receiving end of a blatant lie. These can cause self-doubt and questioning, particularly over time.
- Half-Truths. Half-truths deceive and manipulate by design and are confusing to the listener. A half-truth is a lie in disguise and can be harmful.
- Broken Promises. While sometimes accidental, broken promises chip away at trust after repeated offenses. Not trusting a partner or loved one can wreck a relationship.
- Gaslighting. Gaslighting is lying or stretching the truth designed to make someone question themselves or feel crazy.
How is Lying a Form of Emotional Abuse?
Lying is considered abusive behavior and shows up repeatedly in emotionally abusive relationships. If you find you are the recipient of ongoing lies in the context of a relationship, it can be challenging to sort through what’s going on, and it can feel like you don’t know the person as well as you thought you had.
Emotional abuse can impact a victim’s ability to manage stress. The person may struggle to focus and make decisions due to the stressful confusion resulting from being lied to over time. They could feel like they are “losing their mind” due to the changed brain chemistry after months or years of emotional abuse and lying [1].
The Emotional Impact of Being Lied To
Lying is something we learn early on we should avoid. Being honest and telling the truth are lessons from childhood that we can carry into our adolescent and adult lives and, ideally, into our future healthy relationships. However, many individuals grow up with difficulties forming close relationships and develop a tendency to lie in their relationships.
Lying may be an everyday part of an abusive relationship. A victim of abuse in these circumstances may have endured being lied to for years, developing a constant fight-or-flight response. Fight-or-flight, a chronic state of stress, can disrupt your self-esteem and self-confidence. Over time, mistrust of the relationship or the partner or loved one develops, and an abuse victim will begin distrusting their perceptions.
Over time, a person lied to may experience heightened self-doubt due to not knowing what to believe or if they can trust other people again.
Learning How to Trust Again After Being Lied To
After a relationship built around a lack of trust and lies, it’s common to relearn how to trust yourself first—and this is challenging work. You may notice that it feels impossible to trust anyone initially, and you might feel like isolating yourself to avoid being hurt again.
As you move past a harmful relationship, you will likely feel sensitive to signs of lying due to a loss of sense of self. It could be beneficial to seek professional help as you heal and move forward. A therapist specializing in relationships can help you sort through red flags as you process the past and work toward engaging in relationships in the future.
In a relationship built on lies made to cover up cheating on an intimate partner, there is an additional layer of emotional pain to process. Infidelity trauma can result from the residual effects of a partner cheating. Research shows that infidelity can cause symptoms consistent with PTSD, such as anxiety and depression, and many people experience grief after a partner has cheated [2].
Rychel Johnson, LCPC, is a licensed clinical professional counselor in Kansas. She owns a private practice, Empower Mental Wellness, where she specializes in anxiety treatment and social skills development. Rychel also enjoys extensive road trips and spending time with her husband, toddler, and two cats. Learn more about Rychel at rycheljohnson.com.
