Navigating the aftermath of complex trauma—particularly childhood trauma or within an abusive relationship—can cause someone to develop several unique coping strategies in an effort to deal with their challenging circumstances. In particular, the fawn trauma response stands out as a distinctive survival mechanism that’s rooted in the dynamics of a caregiver’s influence and the body’s corresponding central nervous system reactions to adversity,[1] compelling individuals to prioritize others’ wishes above their own needs—even when someone else’s wishes are actively harmful to their own.
What is a Trauma Response?
A trauma response refers to the physiological and psychological reactions that individuals experience when confronted with a traumatic event or situation.[2] Trauma responses can vary widely from person to person and may include a range of emotional, cognitive, and physical reactions. Such responses are the body and mind’s way of coping with the overwhelming stress and emotional distress that trauma can trigger.
Trauma responses can be immediate, occurring during or shortly after the traumatic event, or they can be delayed, surfacing days, weeks, or even years after the fact.
They are often automatic and instinctual, driven by the body’s natural fight/flight/freeze/fawn mechanism. Common trauma responses include:
Rising anxiety
- Fear
- Hypervigilance
- Flashbacks to the traumatic event(s)
- Dissociation
- The avoidance of potential triggers or environments that remind you of the traumatic experiences
- Abrupt changes in mood and behavior
It’s important to note that trauma responses are not a sign of weakness or failure; rather, they are a natural reaction to an abnormal and distressing set of circumstances. Seeking the appropriate support from mental health professionals and engaging in healthy coping strategies can be critical in better-managing and healing from trauma and its ramifications.
Understanding the “Four Fs” of Trauma Response
There are four primary trauma responses that often occur as a result of exposure to a distressing experience: fight, flight, freeze, and fawn.
Fight Response
The fight response to trauma refers to a reactive, confrontational stance taken towards potential threats, be they real or perceived. Those who have developed a fight response may become aggressive, angry, or defiant as a way to regain a better sense of control and safety.
Flight Response
Flight is a trauma response in which the individual has a strong urge to avoid or escape situations that remind them of their trauma(s). Those experiencing a flight response may contend with intense feelings of restlessness or anxiety and seek ways to physically or emotionally distance themselves from situations in which they feel unsafe.
Freeze Response
The freeze trauma response manifests itself as a state of emotional numbness as a means of self-protection. People who experience this type of response to distressing situations may feel disconnected from reality or feel like their body has shut down, often in an effort to appear less noticeable or less threatening to potential sources of harm.
Fawn Response
Fawning involves the victim of a trauma acting appeasing and demonstrating excessive compliance to ensure their safety. Likely the lesser-known of the trauma responses, those who have adapted a fawning trauma response have a tendency to become people pleasers, caretaking and prioritizing the needs of those around them as a way to avoid further potential harm.
Understanding the Fawn Trauma Response
Individuals who exhibit the fawn response may have experienced situations where asserting their own needs or boundaries led to negative consequences, such as further punishment or rejection. As a result, they learn to prioritize the needs and feelings of others over their own, believing that this will help them avoid additional trauma. People in adverse circumstances may have learned early on that adapting to caregiver or partner expectations and demands (no matter how harmful) enabled them to better-ensure their safety and connection to what feels like a vital relationship.
While the fawn response may appear on the surface as being agreeable, constant apologizing, or even doting, it’s important to note that these reactions are rather a cover and a shield for the terror and fear the individual feels.[3] Seeking safety within adverse circumstances is a priority for anyone who is experiencing or has experienced trauma, causing the sense of one’s self to take a back seat.
Why Do People Develop a Fawn Response to Trauma?
People develop a fawn response to trauma as a coping mechanism for threatening, unstable, unpredictable, or stressful situations. The reasons for this are inherently complex, and can encompass several factors, such as exposure to trauma at a young or formative age, the surrounding environment, an ongoing sense of danger, and a feeling of helplessness to otherwise maintain a sense of safety, among others.
Traumatic experiences (particularly within abusive relationships) often involve power imbalances, wherein the abuser relies upon creating and maintaining an unequal dynamic so as to exert control.[4] As such, fawning can be a way for the individual to feel a sense of control in such situations. By prioritizing others and working to please them, those with a fawning response may temporarily feel a sense of safety and security.
Signs of a Fawning Trauma Response
Fawning behaviors can vary, depending on the individual and their unique circumstances and trauma. Some of the signs of fawning include:
- People-pleasing: Individuals with a fawning trauma response often go to great lengths to please others, often at the risk of neglecting their own needs, wants, and personal boundaries.
- Difficulty saying no: Saying no to others’ requests or demands can be challenging for those with a fawning response to trauma, as they may fear conflict or rejection and will sometimes agree to things they don’t want to do.
- Over-accommodation: People with a fawning response may work hard to over-accommodate others’ needs, prioritizing their comfort and happiness over their own.
- Avoiding confrontation: Fawning responders tend to avoid confrontation and conflict at all costs. They might suppress their own feelings and opinions to prevent potential disagreements, which could lead to dangerous circumstances.
- Prioritizing others: Those with a fawning response to trauma might neglect their own emotions and self-care in favor of caring for the demands of others.
- Seeking external validation: Individuals suffering from trauma often rely on external validation to feel valued and accepted, as their self-worth and their safety may be closely tied to how others perceive them.
- Anxiety and hypervigilance: The fear of upsetting others or being rejected can lead to heightened anxiety and hypervigilance, common symptoms of trauma and posttraumatic stress disorder (PTSD).[5]
- Lack of personal agency: People with a fawning response to trauma may struggle to express their true thoughts and feelings for fear of upsetting or disappointing others. They might present a persona or facade that pleases others but doesn’t reflect their true feelings or outlook.
- A loss of personal directive: Fawning responders might struggle to identify their own wants and desires because they are constantly attuned to the preferences of others.
- Dissociation: As mentioned above, dissociation is a common trauma response, and fawners will sometimes manifest their discomfort as a detachment from their own emotions, thoughts, and sense of self.
Why is Fawning Harmful to Your Well-Being?
The fawn response to trauma can deeply impact mental health and wellbeing, including the potential development of PTSD and complex posttraumatic stress disorder (C-PTSD) as a result of ongoing abuse.
By prioritizing others’ needs to ensure safety or maintain relationships, individuals inadvertently perpetuate both their own maladaptive behavioral adaptation and the abusive relationship itself, often as a result of feeling like there is nowhere else to turn. Furthermore, continuously subverting one’s own needs, emotions, and desires in favor of appeasing others can develop into a long-term pattern that cuts across all interpersonal interactions, making it more difficult to gain a footing in future relationships, jobs, or connections.
How to Stop the Fawning Response and People Pleasing
There are several avenues of exploration towards healing if you or a loved one are struggling with fawning or excessively people-pleasing behaviors as a result of trauma:
- Re-prioritize your own sense of self and safety: Safety is always critical within the context of abuse and trauma, and working to re-establish your sense of self and personal integrity should be carefully explored within an abusive relationship.
- Work to re-establish self-care and set boundaries: Many people struggling with a fawn response have lost their self-esteem and desire to care for themselves, and looking to re-establish healthy boundaries can assist them to reframe their current relationship to self-care.
- Journaling: It’s healthy to reflect on your experiences, and journaling your thoughts and emotions can provide you with a new outlet to examine your challenges and develop new insights.
- Engage in trauma-informed care and mental health counseling: Working with a licensed therapist who specializes in providing trauma-informed care can be invaluable on the journey towards healing. Many psychotherapists provide specialized treatment for victims of trauma, including eye movement desensitization and reprocessing (EMDR) therapy to safely work through your traumatic memories and response patterns.
- Find a support group: Listening to and speaking with other trauma survivors can be powerful, and there are several trauma support groups available both online and in-person to provide a sense of community and support.
Zack Ehrmann (MAEd, LMHC, LPC) is a writer and licensed psychotherapist in three states. Employed in the field since 2011, he’s been fortunate to work across demographics and populations in a variety of settings, including community health clinics, state and local governance, major hospitals, and private practice.
